Every so often I feel awkward at church, and it nets an aversion to the social interaction therein...so that means I sometimes get in and out of church as quickly as possible. I'm not the typical church attender; I'm 9 years re-singled, a guy, forty years old, and my daughter lives with her mother 370 miles away, so it's a little tough to embed myself into the fellowship body. Divorced men like me usually troll the bars and hang out amongst the middle-aged human wreckage. Years back on Thursday nights I could sometimes be found at the Malibu Lounge basking in the karaoke spotlight, yes, as a divorced guy I was enjoying the bar scene. ... Then there was that peculiar morning in 2004.
Hebrews 12 - NASB
Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for our God is a consuming fire.
The First Epiphany
One morning as I wretched in the throws of one of the most violent hangovers in my life, I decided to look into religion...again, but this time my mind was opened. Kicking through the strewn beer cans, I dry heaved as I hosed out the trash can I had puked in earlier. In my degraded state, I suddenly realized that humanity is surely not the best thing going in the universe! Not long after that day I realized that only a fool would dismiss the many instances of supernatural interaction as circumstantial. I would soon learn that the reality of salvation through Jesus was remarkably different than any other belief in divinity, and I finally affirmed Jesus as Lord of my life. ...
Hard Headed
I asked Jesus to change my life, but the life style change wasn't instant...I had some lessons to learn, seven years of lessons to be exact. I had no idea that life was about to become a gauntlet of tests, trials, and facing the circumstances of my sin. Indeed, God took me up on the invitation to come into my life because His presence intertwined in my physical time and circumstance with a saving passion! I was serious about changing, and my Lord was serious about making it happen. ... From then on, I was no longer was comfortable with doing wrongful things, and even thinking wrong was swiftly chastened from within my spirit.
After 7 years of being taken to life's woodshed, I'm finally starting to "get it". I've learned that those physical and spiritual storms are the result of my disobedience. I have finally realized that confession and repentance promote sanity and inner peace. God has made me much wiser, and trips to the woodshed have decreased. The Holy Spirit within my being has eradicated darkness, but I understand that I also have much to do with regression, when it happens. Satan is the conveyer of sin, but humanity can resist. Learning how is the hard part! Better discipleship would have helped me immensely, but I'm a better man for facing the trials! A good relationship with Jesus supernaturally lifts the oppression of darkness from the center of the soul.
Doing The Church Thing
Have a look at the demographic statistics and you will see that the last place you will find a guy like me is in church. Sometimes I almost change my mind, but I muster my bravado and pull into the church parking lot. With a long exhale I get out of the car...alone again. I walk into the building and I see the smiling faces of other people who believe in God, but as I look around, I notice that everyone else came with somebody. Incredulously laughing within, I feel as though I'm breaking some sort of unwritten rule that requires that I take somebody with me to church, but I push back against the feeling of not fitting in. I often wonder if people would actually go to church if they didn't have someone to go with because I know what it feels like to go alone.
No, I'm not a people hater. I wasn't even close to lonely back in the bar days, but the bar days are over. The challenge that I now face is not really about social hang-ups, but it's about finding common ground. Many of my bar hopping buddies back in the old days were single, thus tom catting was easier with a wing man because the single ladies of the night scene traveled in packs too. I had no shortage of friends back in those days because it was easy to make friends when you had a common life status.
Following Jesus has netted a loss in all non-family friendships. My slow change toward following Christ hasn't been the best example for my family members. My immediate family members do not go to church, but they seem to believe in God. I'm thankful that my family doesn't alienate me because I follow Christ.
Singleness and Church
I'll bet single people don't stay in church because they feel alienated, and I know this is true because I've lived it out! I recently attended a wonderful family oriented church, but I always felt out of synch with the amazing folks who went there. I attended the church for nearly two years, but I never really made any friendships outside of the church sanctioned functions. I felt as though I had nothing in common with the other members with the exception of Christ as my savior. I often felt that there were members who thought something was wrong with me because of my singleness. ... Maybe there was some overly speculative scrutiny, but I knew in my soul that I wanted to rid myself of all darkness, so it didn't hurt my feelings too much.
My previous church was very family and youth oriented. I'm unmarried, my child lives 370 miles away, and I'm certainly not a youth...so that leaves very little chance to form the everyday life kind of friendships in the majority of all churches. I knew from the beginning that my former place of worship didn't want to risk a singles / divorced ministry because of fears that a male / female relational rift could cause issues at the church. I thought I'd eventually make a friend or two with a situation similar to mine, but it didn't happen. I made plenty of friends, but not the real hold the flashlight as you fix the car type of friends.
The Next Chapter of Life
My current motivation is more about doing service for God. I recently felt compelled to begin to church shop again because I have far too much idle time. I'm looking for a church that has an actual local outreach so I can fill the idle time with doing stuff for God. I'm unemployed right now, so fuel costs are a concern, but as soon as the money issues are resolved, I'm ready to focus more on outreach.
If I must continue to do without singles fellowship I know that through Jesus I'm unshakable, but I would at least like for the possibility to be there. I want to set a long term goal toward addressing the ministry issue for the Christian single, and I feel that God is in on it!
Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for our God is a consuming fire.
The First Epiphany
One morning as I wretched in the throws of one of the most violent hangovers in my life, I decided to look into religion...again, but this time my mind was opened. Kicking through the strewn beer cans, I dry heaved as I hosed out the trash can I had puked in earlier. In my degraded state, I suddenly realized that humanity is surely not the best thing going in the universe! Not long after that day I realized that only a fool would dismiss the many instances of supernatural interaction as circumstantial. I would soon learn that the reality of salvation through Jesus was remarkably different than any other belief in divinity, and I finally affirmed Jesus as Lord of my life. ...
I reasoned that there is no other religion where God walked among humanity in human form, and certainly no other religious figure had conquered death and walked around resurrected in a perfected physical body as Jesus had done !
Hard Headed
I asked Jesus to change my life, but the life style change wasn't instant...I had some lessons to learn, seven years of lessons to be exact. I had no idea that life was about to become a gauntlet of tests, trials, and facing the circumstances of my sin. Indeed, God took me up on the invitation to come into my life because His presence intertwined in my physical time and circumstance with a saving passion! I was serious about changing, and my Lord was serious about making it happen. ... From then on, I was no longer was comfortable with doing wrongful things, and even thinking wrong was swiftly chastened from within my spirit.
After 7 years of being taken to life's woodshed, I'm finally starting to "get it". I've learned that those physical and spiritual storms are the result of my disobedience. I have finally realized that confession and repentance promote sanity and inner peace. God has made me much wiser, and trips to the woodshed have decreased. The Holy Spirit within my being has eradicated darkness, but I understand that I also have much to do with regression, when it happens. Satan is the conveyer of sin, but humanity can resist. Learning how is the hard part! Better discipleship would have helped me immensely, but I'm a better man for facing the trials! A good relationship with Jesus supernaturally lifts the oppression of darkness from the center of the soul.
Doing The Church Thing
Have a look at the demographic statistics and you will see that the last place you will find a guy like me is in church. Sometimes I almost change my mind, but I muster my bravado and pull into the church parking lot. With a long exhale I get out of the car...alone again. I walk into the building and I see the smiling faces of other people who believe in God, but as I look around, I notice that everyone else came with somebody. Incredulously laughing within, I feel as though I'm breaking some sort of unwritten rule that requires that I take somebody with me to church, but I push back against the feeling of not fitting in. I often wonder if people would actually go to church if they didn't have someone to go with because I know what it feels like to go alone.
No, I'm not a people hater. I wasn't even close to lonely back in the bar days, but the bar days are over. The challenge that I now face is not really about social hang-ups, but it's about finding common ground. Many of my bar hopping buddies back in the old days were single, thus tom catting was easier with a wing man because the single ladies of the night scene traveled in packs too. I had no shortage of friends back in those days because it was easy to make friends when you had a common life status.
Following Jesus has netted a loss in all non-family friendships. My slow change toward following Christ hasn't been the best example for my family members. My immediate family members do not go to church, but they seem to believe in God. I'm thankful that my family doesn't alienate me because I follow Christ.
Singleness and Church
I'll bet single people don't stay in church because they feel alienated, and I know this is true because I've lived it out! I recently attended a wonderful family oriented church, but I always felt out of synch with the amazing folks who went there. I attended the church for nearly two years, but I never really made any friendships outside of the church sanctioned functions. I felt as though I had nothing in common with the other members with the exception of Christ as my savior. I often felt that there were members who thought something was wrong with me because of my singleness. ... Maybe there was some overly speculative scrutiny, but I knew in my soul that I wanted to rid myself of all darkness, so it didn't hurt my feelings too much.
My previous church was very family and youth oriented. I'm unmarried, my child lives 370 miles away, and I'm certainly not a youth...so that leaves very little chance to form the everyday life kind of friendships in the majority of all churches. I knew from the beginning that my former place of worship didn't want to risk a singles / divorced ministry because of fears that a male / female relational rift could cause issues at the church. I thought I'd eventually make a friend or two with a situation similar to mine, but it didn't happen. I made plenty of friends, but not the real hold the flashlight as you fix the car type of friends.
I wonder if anybody realizes that ministry for the single is not really about guy / girl relationships, but it’s about the chance to form real friendship outside of church sanctioned functions. David Platt of Secret Church recently said; ' One can go to a Christian bookstore and find volumes of material on the Christian couple, but to find a book on the Christian single is a bit of an challenge.'
The Next Chapter of Life
My current motivation is more about doing service for God. I recently felt compelled to begin to church shop again because I have far too much idle time. I'm looking for a church that has an actual local outreach so I can fill the idle time with doing stuff for God. I'm unemployed right now, so fuel costs are a concern, but as soon as the money issues are resolved, I'm ready to focus more on outreach.
If I must continue to do without singles fellowship I know that through Jesus I'm unshakable, but I would at least like for the possibility to be there. I want to set a long term goal toward addressing the ministry issue for the Christian single, and I feel that God is in on it!
Bible verses were NIV 1984
God never intended for us to be alone, but that does not mean that we have to be married to fellowship with other believers. Keep this passage in mind as Paul was instructed on remaining single:
ReplyDelete1 Corinthians 7
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%207
You can read that in different versions if you prefer, there is a drop down box.
I agree, alone sucks!. ... When you spend to much time alone you get weird, so I'm trying not to be weird...LOL! I love Bible Gateway, one of my favorites! Thanks for stopping by. ...
ReplyDelete